I hate the games my head plays.
Telling me how long it will take to lose this weight
Reminding me that for reasons (I think are my meds) I will not lose big numbers or even half way decent numbers, while other people with a lot less to lose than me do the big numbers.
I hate how it depresses me and yet I should be happy that I am losing weight anyway .
One of the reasons I am so anxious to lose the weight is that I am scared of taking a stroke or heart attack or dying, and this quite likely can happen at any moment given the size I am
Add to that not being able to walk far at all. I mean a walk to a shop ONE SHOP and I was trying to catch my breath and my feet and legs were killing me
Or the fact I can’t fit into any clothes at all … I am squeezing into legging (stretchy) and a over stretchy t shirt and one good shirt all size 26 but I am no size 26 more like 32
All these things and more play on my mind constantly
The fact I am uncomfortable sitting at the dining table or need a seat belt extender for the car to be able to drive safely
Can’t bend down to pick things off the ground due to sheer fat (this makes keeping my house clean a problem)
Was hanging the washing the other day and my arms were aching just from holding my own fat arms up in the arm to hang the washing
Goodness what else??
Tying up my shoes or putting on my socks…I can only just and I mean just put them on myself I don’t want to ask anyone for help
All these things plus heaps more like being scared to sit on a chair incase it breaks or scared to get out of the car with the kids cause I might embarrass them , all this are reasons my head knows and uses to make me feel depressed if I only lose 1.5kg it will take years and years to lose this weight at that rate and I just want to feel normal quickly.
I really just want to feel NORMAL and soon.