Where to start……
I don’t even have a title for the post.
As you guessed, since I am not posting, I am not doing to well….
2 weeks ago we had something happen …… it was the worst thing to happen to us…yes even worse than my suicide thoughts and attempts
I can not and won’t go into details …although talking about it would relieve some of the pressure.
I never never thought this would happen but it has.
I was very strong for most of the 2 weeks..Ross did fall apart in the first few days (see we are made for each other) but come Thursday I have been flat and just not wanting to go anywhere etc
This is a normal reaction for me …during any crisis I am the strong one …the one to handle everything …to even seem uncaring cause I just get on and do what is required, but after the crisis, a few days later I crash
Well I have crashed.
I haven’t been to the gym in the 2 weeks due to the fact I had not slept so was too exhausted and now I just don’t have the oomph to go.
I have not been eating properly and now feel I can’t get back on track
Yes I can’t eat the volume I use to be able to eat but I am still comfort eating and the things I use to eat this is not good
The crisis is not over …..we still have months (6) to wait and see the outcome … even years.
I am sorry to be so vague but I just can’t talk about it .
I haven’t cried yet….Once again Ross has but I haven’t …. I am wondering if it is my antidepressants that are making me feel disconnected and so I haven’t cried yet …just doing what has to be done..
I don’t think anything could be worse then what we experienced Friday fortnight ago..
And the fact that the advice we give just falls on deaf ears and seems lessons have not and will not be learnt, really makes me angry.
So having said all that …. I am at a lost
I don’t know how to get back on track
I have only lost 30kg in 5 months ….this is not good enough..I had the op … I weighed a huge number .. I thought it would fall off..
Maybe when I go back to the gym and get my eating organised it will ….but to say I am disappointed is a understatement.
So yeah ….nothing good to report just a big whinge session…..SORRY!!
I am hoping and praying I can get back into gyming and eating right …… I really want to lose the weight
Weighed in today 170.0kg …total loss 30kg