I have been up most of the night with my brain in overdrive.
I am huge (not doubt there)
I am over 180kg
I have a awesome hubby
I have 7 gorgeous fantastic children
And I AM KILLING MYSELF WITH FOOD.
I am depressed and I AM KILLING MYSELF WITH FOOD
After coming to that realization I was up all night wonder what I should do?
How should I lose weight?
Researching when I should be sleeping.
Reading, writing, note taking , making lists
Praise God the soccer was on and Ross slept on the lounge or my tossing and reading and writing would have woken him poor bloke.
And what did I research…..Lap bands
I read my bible and I decided I wanted it done.
I felt a peace about getting it done.
I got up this morning and shared my revelation with Ross……
STUNNED, NOT HAPPY was what was greeted back at me.
This made me question my decision.
As I questioned more and wrote to a few people about it I started thinking …. I am not sure I want to do this.
I am not sure it is something I want to do for the rest of my life.
I am not sure it would fit into my lifestyle.
Yes it is reversible but what is the point of that.
To go thru all that only for a little while.
I think the conclusion I have come to is that I need to stick with WW.
I need to stop the addiction I have with diet coke and chocolate to start with.
These two things are very addictive to me and I BELIEVE CAUSE OR FEED MY DEPRESSION.
I remember a dr saying to me once that I didn’t need a allergy test, you are allergic to chocolate….You get migraines when you eat it , you get migraines when give it up …..it makes you feel worse…
I think she was right…..I would also be as bold to say not only am I allergic to it I am addicted to it .
I get chronic sinus infections ( fighting another one atm) I would love to see how many I get when not eating chocolate.
So I think having gotten most things out of my mind I am NOT lapbanding.
I AM sticking to WW
I AM kicking the chocolate addiction
I AM kicking the diet coke habit (that also feeds/causes my depression.
I AM going to love myself a little bit, would say more but you have to love yourself a bit to then love more and there is no self love here.
Going to start small …..for lent I am going to give up Chocolate and Diet Coke …
I will start this tomorrow….
It will be tough but I think I can do it …..