Lets start with my weight … 163.6kg that is a weekly loss of 1.9kg …shock horror I know and my cycle still hasn’t started so I am very very happy

My depression is lifting (hard work) I do find my self slipping but keep trying to put myself out

I was hit with a bad migraine yesterday so slept most of the day … it has eased today so no idea what caused it

Now on Thursday I met a friend from my computer.

Ginny is someone I met from youtube .. she has has the Gastric Sleeve and lost of 100kg (can’t remember total amount)

she had been asking me meet her for a while and with my anxiety etc I kept putting it off

Anyway Ross took Thursday off and we went and met her …. it was a lovely time… It was wonderful to meet her and hear all about her life and America ( she is from there originally)

I did tell her I would be willing to meet up again  so I am telling myself I can do it

I did have a lot of anxiety about meeting her esp since I had my op before her and have done nowhere near as well as she has.

But she was lovely and caring

Other than that there isn’t much to say

Meeting Ginny 24052106
Meeting Ginny …. getting out of my comfort zone




So I am still feeling down but not as bad and I truly believe it is hormonal ( my cycle is due in 3 or 4 days) and not being happy with my weight loss


Yes I know I need to see the NSV’s (  Non-Scale Victories) I have had in the 18 months

off BP meds

over half my depression tablets gone

Diabetes better ( though not gone)

Not bed/lounge ridden where I could only walk to toilet and back and feel like i was having a heart attack ( no joke)

Can take a shower without a second thought or with out Ross asking if i was ok cause I was breathing heavy and blue lipped

Can put my own pants on ( granted I have to sit to do this but only cause i have shocking balance)

I wore a skirt last Sunday First time in over 15 years

I  go to kids school functions

I cook meals

I make lunches for kids and breakkie

I have gone from never going to the shop to going on my own ( massive thing ) to shopping for at least 3-5 hrs ( from bed ridden to that is amazing)

and there are so many more things I know

So yes I see I have made results but I guess the fact they are things ppl can’t see or know about I feel they are judging the fact that I haven’t lost 90+ kg

I am still of the opinion that I will get re-sleeved or bypassed come end of March next year I just wish it was sooner, but I guess I can take the next 10months to shrink my liver ( and hopefully not need to do optimist) and get my fitness high so I can come thru the op with no dramas. also get my head sorted so I make the most of this opportunity

Now I haven’t spoken to Dr Durmush about it but I do know that he said I would prob need more than the sleeve to get to goal and get rid of my diabetes


so there you have it

I am trying not to think about meeting my computer friend on Thursday or I will have a panic attack

Ok going to have a early shower to wash the blues away and clean it ( see something I couldn’t do before )

Oh todays weight was 165.5kg heading down lets hope it keeps going



Yep my depression is back

May be hormonal … maybe not

I do know since I was sick and haven’t been to the gym or eating correctly I have been so depressed and it is getting worse

I have a hairdresser appt tomorrow for a colour and cut …. I desperately need one and know it will help my depression but don’t want to go

Guess it is like eating right and exercise you have to force yourself  and then you feel better

Really in a bad funk lately. Praying it doesnt last long

Had a computer friend ( a friend that lives in my computer) ask twice this week when we will catch up ( in real life) I said i will meet her for the first time on Thursday

This decision is playing havoc with my anxiety. Ross is going to take the day off and drive me there and come with me ..

I don’t want to do this but know I have to come out of my comfort zone

I wanted to have lost more weight before I met her but I haven’t

I have met two of my computer friends before and was just as anxious  but it was a lovely time and would certainly meet up with them again in a heart beat

Not much to update as I don’t do much of anything when I am feeling like this

Take care and I hope to update a more positive post soon


May 18, 2016

So it has been a couple of days now since my last blog and I am not feeling good.

My weight is going up by 1/2 kg a day and really can’t put my finger on it

Maybe i am not drinking enough and too many carbs

I really need to get on track

Weight this morning is 165.4kg

Haven’t exercised at all this week and I can feel it in my mood and my tummy ( bloated)

I know how well I feel mentally when I exercise but you know how it is hard to get back to it once you have had a few weeks off ( illness)

I have sick kids … so I was sick for 2 weeks then Ll had 3 days off with throat infection .. then B had to be picked up from school with tonsillitis … then La had suspected whooping cough and had to be home till cleared ( due to working in childcare) Then C had a sinus infections 2 days off and still not well and that is all in the last week

I am having to have a sleep thru the day again which I haven’t had to do in ages … it must be what I am eating

I am tossing up doing the 5dpt ( 5 day much test) to try and get me back on track and reset my pouch .

It is 2 days fluid… 1 day puree… 1 day soft and 1 day full diet … I just know I will struggle big time … still thinking

Other than that not much happening … still potty training … but I guess it will take time … she really is beautiful

My Pt from the gym rang me as i hadn’t been in for a while which is the first time any gym has contacted me when I was away …

guessing I will go back on Monday

I do know I am retaining fluid ( i guess from not enough drinking) I can’t get wedding rings on and my socks leave massive dents in my legs by the end of the day


Today is the 2nd anniversary of my Grandma going to be with the Lord… I do miss her


So I am back

I need to start blogging again. Not only for my weight loss but for my mind.

so as you know I weigh daily .. both my psych and Nutritionalist say I should only weigh once a week  but for now I am going to stick to my daily weighing and record it on a saturday and that will be the one I go by

So today I weighed 164.0kg.

For 2 weeks or more I have stuck on 164.4kg so I guess that is good

I joined a gym, a woman’s only gym, and went for almost 2 weeks and then got a migraine for 7 days and then got antibiotic (sinus infection) and it turned to a headache. Today is the first day I haven’t had panadol in 3 weeks and I mean I was taking it 5 times a day

Due to the gastric sleeve I am not allowed to take NASAD so that rules out nureofen and I am allergic to codeine ( though a lot of sleevers have bad reactions to it)

Now for Mothers day I got a puppy Scarlett

my new puppy Scarlett


between her and not feeling well I haven’t been to the gym and I am scared to go on my treadmill as she only wants to be by my feet … too cute

I was hoping by getting a puppy it would help my maternal side ( wanting baby #8) It hasn’t but I do love and enjoy her

I really want to and have to lose this weight

If by this time next year (when my insurance upgrade kicks in ) I haven’t lost a significant amount of weight  I will be asking Dr Durmush for a resleeve or a bypass .

I say bypass  because my diabetes is not getting any  better even with exercise, it is good  my 3 month number was good the lowest it has been but I expected it to go. Dr Durmush did tell me that I may need a bypass to get rid of the diabetes so I may have to do that, but it is something I will discuss in maybe January.

I have a psych and Nut appt beg of July  ( should be sooner but due to finances can’t be)so that will give me just under 2 months to get my eating and exercise right and log everything with MFP and that will give me a good indication as to wether I am / can still lose weight.

I still feel restriction but certainly can put away a lot more than I could before.

I am still not drinking anywhere near 2lts of water

I am not exercising though I am getting better  since getting the gym membership.


so I guess in the next 2 months those are the 3 main things I need to concentrate on ( besides potty training Scarlett lol)

Have a good night all will try to be back tomorrow


January 22, 2016

Yes it was only 15 mins

Yes I had HUGE anxiety

Yes my beautiful hubby came with me

Yes when it was over I did realise I felt good

What did I do????

I went for a walk  ……OUTSIDE

I know to most people this isn’t a big deal and wasn’t for long .. but for me ….


and to walk outside in the sunshine …. I never go outside

It felt good …

Now to try and do it again today



January 20, 2016

I got some pics back from me at my birthday and compared them to last years and there isn’t much change

I know I have lost 35kg but I wish there was more difference

birthday 130116

Cant really tell the difference as one is taken

closer than the other … (blue last year)



I want to exercise but I haven’t done it yet  ( I know just get on with it)

It has been so hot  here this week …… Too hot … today was in the very high 30s and a hotter day tomorrow. No aircon so just fans and massive headaches from the heat

Lacey came home last night throwing up. Apparently it has been going around the centre she works in (5 kids home with it) One child threw up on Friday and Lacey had to clean up and so I am praying so hard it doesn’t go thru all of us. So she is off work till Monday, the dr didn’t want her going to work and work want clearance before she can return

So that will be the 6th child of mine home for the rest of the week ( maybe Rhys will drop in ..nah he will be at a camp). Then next Wed they start school again and it will be my last week with Jovèe, before she starts big school.

Must say I am struggling with that  but I guess it will give me the days to organise the home and concentrate on my weight loss and getting healthy

Ok not much left to say… hopefully tomorrow will be a good day


January 13, 2016

Yep it is that time again.

My birthday

This time last year I was very early Post op (from my Gastric Sleeve) 12 weeks to be exact

I had great expectations for the year …… I expected to drop the weight and by today, my 44th birthday, I wanted to have lost at least 100kg

Well fast forward to today and I have lost 32.2kg

Am I disappointed? Yep

Can I see changes? Yep

Am I more active? Yes

Have I dropped meds ? Yes

So I guess this past year hasn’t been as bad as I feel it has been.

This year I am going to meet my goals … I am going to smash them.

Come my 45th birthday (eeeek) I will be looking at making apps to get some skin removed ( thats the plan)

Bring on this year


I had to stop into my surgeons office to buy some Beneprotein  flavourless protein to add to food to get my protein in

When we got there I didn’t want to go in cause I didn’t want them to see I have been at a stall since about March 2015. so Ross went in

I got him to ask them about re-sleeving and Gastric Bypass to see costs and if I need referral etc

The receptionist told him it was way to early to think about re-sleeving or bypass and it is prob my food choices ( granted I agree)

then next thing I know Ross comes out with an appt to the dietician and the psychologist  …. ARE YOU KIDDING ME ??!!

The receptionist said that she thinks it is mental and I need to see them … so off I am to see them

May be a blessing in disguise as Jovee goes to school and I know I am going to be struggling

so basically me hiding away is not going to cut it … they are on to me


Ross has almost finished dejunking the gym (since he junked it up ) and I will have access to it  ( guess i will use it too lol)

Started tracking my food more and trying to get the allotted protein in …..wish me luck

2016 is here… time to kick it up a notch

Goodbye 2015  all the tears and disappointments, all the shocks and horrors that went with it .

Goodbye 2015 all the changes be they slow and hard but worth the effort

Hello 2016 and to new opportunities although scary beyond belief.

It is time to step up and claim my life back. To live, love and dream again.


Since Oct 2015 I have been bouncing around weight wise … as low as 163kg and high as 168kg

Praise God I never hit 170kg again

I have been very disappointed in the fact that I didn’t lose a MASSIVE amount of weight in 2015 after the Gastric Sleeve, but having said that I need to be kind to myself

I was doing amazingly till march when a horrific event hit Ross and I and I coped well until April then I didn’t follow the rules anymore and didn’t count my protein and limit my carbs and the weight just stopped coming off

Now having said that before the GS I would have gained weight ….no doubt at all

  • I have come off the big BP meds and stayed off them
  •  I have come off the insulin and now only on a tablet ( which I am determined to get rid of )
  • I have gone from 450mg of antidepressant a day to 150mg a day and the only reason I am still on that is because Jj is starting school and I know I am struggling big time with that and I don’t want to go backwards I will get rid of it in about April
  • I have gone to kids school things, I have shopped on my own
  • This week I deep cleaned my house ( yes Ross and kids helped but I did a lot) then the next  day I did 5 hrs in the garden ( haven’t  done either in over 5 years)

So many other things that have happened but so much more could happen

So having said that it is time to step this up a notch. Time to finish what has been started.

Jj is starting big school at the beginning of Feb and I am so uptight about it. I know she will be brilliant but I will miss her so very much.

It will be the first time in 23 years that I haven’t had a baby/child at home with me …. I am going to be feeling quite lost, the fact Ross doesn’t want more kids breaks my heart but it means I have to find myself…. not hid behind babies…. I have to find out who I am and get myself back.

This of course doesn’t mean I am not going to be a mother anymore but it means I have to find myself and love myself in order to be a good mother and wife.

It is time to lose this weight and work on getting myself better.

soon enough there  will be weddings and grandchildren and I want to do a better job at that then I have done at being a mum so far.

If I said I wasn’t sad or was looking forward to this time in my life I would be lying.

I am so sad and  scared at this next phase in life….

I know I will be spending some quality time with my mum and deepening the relationship we have as I haven’t been “present” due to depression and I need to spend time with her before it is too late.

No she isn’t dying but she is 65 and if the next 25yrs go as fast as then last 25yrs then I will be at the stage where she won’t be able to do all the things we enjoy.

Ross and I will be celebrating  25 years of marriage this Sept and I want to be able to enjoy the time and look back on it fondly not cringing and crying cause I didn’t feel my best.

He has been such a rock and blessing over the last 25years looking after me and the kids thru my depression and he deserves to have a wife he would be proud to take out.

Beginning of Feb is my nieces wedding and I want to look nice and I want to feel like I have made a difference in my weight…. not sure what my goal is for the next 4 weeks but I need to seriously look at that

lastly (I think) I am going back to being blonde… I went dark and it was a change but I certainly don’t like the look of me dark and it shows the grey so much faster.

Ok think that is it .

Hope to do this blogging daily but will see what happens.

Might try and leave you with some pics of my family 🙂

So proud of my girl and the changes she has made
So proud of my girl and the changes she has made


Our 'little' tribe
Our ‘little’ tribe

Jj during the Christmas Service, didn’t have a mirror so used my phone lol

Sorry its so large don’t know how to make it smaller